Leave Me Alone

There is something missing in the United States. When I first arrived here, I was ready to immerse myself in the culture, people, and language. During the first two months, I went out a lot, especially to eat. However, what I didn’t realize is that people in the US don't do the most important part of the Spanish lunch or dinner, the "sobremesa". I'm sure you are thinking what is that? Is it something to eat? No, it isn't. It doesn’t have a literal translation in English.  The "sobremesa" is a moment to talk and share with your family and friends at the table when you are done eating. People don’t eat anymore but they usually have coffee or drinks. The “sobremesa” is very important for Spanish people, and since I came to Chicago I have been missing it even more.

Since I was little, I remember being with my whole family for hours at home just talking after eating. My uncle used to start telling some funny story about how he met my aunt. The rest of the family shared what was happening in their lives, work, friends, school, or trips. The same happens in restaurants when people are done with their meal. The waiter takes the dishes off the table and he already knows that nobody is going to stand up and go, not for at least an hour. It is then when the "sobremesa" starts, and it happens naturally. It is part of Spanish culture. When people think they are done, they pay and leave.

When people go to a restaurant in the United States, it is completely different. Some of the times people eat and leave. If guests try to spend more time than necessary, or they are not eating or drinking, the waiter starts looking at them, and not in a good way. One time, I was with a Spanish friend, and of course, we finished and paid, but we didn’t leave. The waiter came after five minutes to see if we wanted something else. I said, “No thank you, we are just talking”, but he came back in a bad mood four more times. My feeling was that he was trying to kick us out.

All the countries should incorporate the "sobremesa". It is a good time to know and connect with the people you care about. Especially in the United States where sometimes some people are in a hurry, it can help them to relax and enjoy their family more. I tried to include that practice with my friends from different parts of the world. Now when we gather at home and my friends are done eating, no one leaves. They know I like to spend more time than the usual talking, and they like it too. Also, my friend Jenny is going to do the “sobremesa” every weekend with her family.

After two years in the United States, I have learned how to live without a "sobremesa" at least at the restaurants, but I am going to continue talking about it to my new friends. However, not having a real Spanish "sobremesa" with my family for all this time makes me appreciate it more when I'm with them.  I also have gained traditions from the United States like Thanksgiving or the 4th of July. Many times people have to lose something to realize how much it meant for them. In my case, this is the price I have to pay to live the “American Dream”.